SUMMARY

Live Action
After wrapping up a game of 2-on-1 b-ball with freaky long-haired sewer-man Edison, Mario and Luigi anticipate the arrival of their guest, basketball man of the LA Lakers Magic Johnson. When Magic Johnson appears in the medicine cabinet mirror, it turns out he wants to practice magic tricks, not basketball, and he makes the brothers' ball disappear.

Cartoon
It's time for spring cleaning at Hyrule Castle, so Link is playing sick. A spying moby reports back to Ganon that the castle is being cleaned, which for some reason he takes as an ideal time to attack and steal the Triforce of Wisdom; Ganon summons a lowder (a big horrible bug with a saddle on its back), then declares "as for you, back in the evil jar!" and banishes the moby whence it came. Ganon's plot goes thusly: he supercharges Spryte's magic so that her attempt to animate brooms and other cleaning supplies results in a bunch of Fantasia-like mischief, and in the confusion the pig wizard steals the Triforce and rides away on his huge awful bug.

Zelda and Link mop up the mad mops, bewitched buckets, sinister sponges, rebellious rags and so forth, and head out in hot pursuit of Ganon, who is slowly escaping on the back of the terrible bugmobile. They follow Ganon to his Underworld lair, but fall down a trapdoor into an impenetrable glass holding jar. Ganon tries to feed Link and Zelda to his pet gohma (a big blue crab), but the ghoma stupidly grabs Link by the sword and tosses him out of the jar, then Spryte busts the jar with her supercharged magic. Ganon strikes with jets of flame, but Zelda shoots him with her bow, causing his magic to misfire and collapse the lair's ceiling. Safely back home, Link celebrates... until Zelda reminds him the castle still needs cleaning. Hardy har har, nice one Zelda--how will that work when you killed all the cleaning supplies with your boomerang?!

Live Action
Back at Mario Brothers Plumbing, Magic's practice isn't going so well. Luigi tries to help with the next trick, pulling an awful, beedy-eyed, raggedy-looking rabbit out of a hat, but the rabbit pulls Luigi back in! Magic Johnson is very non-chalant about this turn of events, but Mario remembers the magic word, "please," which teleports Luigi into Magic Johnson's mirror dimension. This isn't much of an improvement; luckily, Magic Johnson gets a call from his coach reminding him that he's late for a game, which somehow breaks the curse and returns Luigi to the basement. A sadder and a wiser man for his extra-dimensional travels, Luigi mutters about seeing big bunnies, basketballs, and nurses's shoes in the hat dimension.

SUMMARY

Live Action
Mario and Luigi show off their best Elvis moves and argue over who will win tonight's Elvis impersonator contest at the plumber's hall. Who should interrupt them as they bicker in front of a black velvet shrine but the king of rock and roll himself! "Elvis, what do you think?" Mario asks about his Elvis getup; "well, I don't think Ann Margret is going to go for it" replies Elvis. Luckily for the brothers, he'll teach them to "do it 'My Way'."

Cartoon
Today we find ourselves in Rotunda Land, a nation known for its girthy rulers, elite varsity wrestlers, and efficient tax collection agents. Busty and stout monarch Queen Rotunda has her royal witch whip up a love potion to use on drawling fopish pipsqueek Prince Pompadour. Elsewhere, Mario's "red-hot pepper detecter" (it's made of a pepper AND it detects peppers) alerts our heroes to the existence of someone else's peppers, so they immediately swarm all over the crops and begin to steal as many as they can get their grubby mitts on. Three beezos dressed in knightly attire arrive and are not swayed by Princess Toadstool's claim that the hot peppers growing in neat, evenly-spaced rows beside a castle are actually wild flora and free for the taking, and the pilfering plumbers are arrested for their crimes.

In an attempt to forestall his just deserts, Mario offers to make a special dessert for Queen Rotunda's future nuptuals: hot pepper pistachio ice cream! The queen insists on sampling this fiery frozen treat post haste, but the ice cream proves too picante for the Queen's royal palate and she quaffs the love potion for relief, thus becoming besotted with Mario. Things are predicably stupid until the royal wedding, whereupon Luigi spikes the punch with a new love potion, causing Queen Rotunda and Prince Pompadour to pair off and leaving our heroes free to flee this whole sorry scene. Forget it, Mario. It's Rotunda Land.

Live Action
Elvis teaches his signature lip twitch and hip swivel to Mario and Luigi, or Bad Elvis #1 and #2 as real Elvis calls them. Mario's spasmatic gyrations and off-tune warbling ("You ain't nothing but a groundhog / Hogging all the ground") bring the house down (cause a pile of bricks to fall over), but the brothers decide to squash their beef for Mama Mario's sake. "I had a momma myself. I called her... the King's Momma" muses Elvis, before teaching the brothers to do a double act.

SUMMARY

Live Action
The brothers return home from a successful plumbing job to discover that their foreign exchange student, Count Zoltan Dracula from Transylvania, has arrived in his coffin. "Fuhgeddaboudit Mario, there's something very strange about this guy," says Luigi; "what's so strange about sleeping in your clothes?" quips Mario as spooky pipe organ music swells in the background.

Cartoon
Princess Toadstool needs 100 gold coins to save the orphanage (wait, again?), so the brothers set out to sell the royal cow. Predictably, they are swindled into accepting three garbanzo beans for old bessie by a used cow salesman named Dealin' Delbert. Toadstool is disgusted and allergic and sneezes the beans out the window, where they do their thing overnight. In the morning our heroes climb the vine in hopes of harvesting enough garbanzo beans to satisfy the world's "tens of millions of garbanzo lovers." Atop the vine they encounter a gigantic castle inhabited by King Koopa, who has somehow turned himself into a giant and decided that he eats people now; "fee fum fi foo, I'm gonna cook some Mario stew!" he bellows in one of many rhyming variations on the beanstalk giant catchphrase.

Our heroes flee the kitchen and King Koopa's stew pot and find themselves in a room full of gold coins and Goosey, the imprisoned currency-crapping goose who lays them (yeah, just do whatever fairy tale you want, who cares). The beanstalk has fortuitously created cracks in the castle foundation big enough to facilitate a daring escape, so back down the beanstalk we go, Goosey in tow, bashing hoopsters (those ladybug-like crawlers who infest vines in Super Mario Bros. 2) with garbanzos along the way. Back on solid ground Luigi takes up arms against wealth inequality and chops down the beanstalk, spilling the hord of gold coins and sending the castle tumbling from the sky into a lake; the good guys cheer as the orphanage is saved and King Koopa shrinks to normal size like a reverse version of those grow-in-water dinosaur toys.

Live Action
The brothers gossip about their exchange student. Based on the fact that he visits the blood bank and uses lots of dental floss and "eye wash," they come to the startling conclusion that Count Dracula from Transylvania who sleeps in a coffin is a vampire. Count Dracula catches the brothers reading a book titled "How to Get Rid of a Vampire," which also includes Mama Mario's recipe for tomato sauce, and declares the way to get rid of a vampire is to "just ask me." What a nice guy!

SUMMARY

Live Action
Whilst installing plumbing Mario gets hit on the head by a pipe and starts squaking like a big crazy chicken, so Luigi calls the noted head doctor Siegmund Fruitcake for help.

Cartoon
Mario and the gang ride a bathtub chariot across the Linguini Empire, where the Emperor has invited them for, of course, a benefit spaghetti dinner to raise money for orphaned mushrooms. They arrive at the colosseum, and are shown inside by Brutius Maximus Grouchius, the imposing guard. BMG explains that the benefit may be cancelled because of a plumbing problem in the catacombs. This is the brothers' wheelhouse so they go off to deal with the problem while BMG takes Princess Toadstool and Toad to meet the Emperor... Emperor Augustus Septemberus Octoberus Koopa! Back in the catacombs, BMG (wait, wasn't he just with the Princess and Toad?) leads the brothers into an ambush and announces their capture, to which Mario cleverly retorts "Hey, shaddap you face!" The brothers steal a goofy horse, who helps them flee until they run out of oats to motivate him: "No oats, no work. Sorry, fat boy!" exclaims the equine.

Mario and Luigi continue their escape directly onto the floor of the colosseum, where Triclydius (Triclyde the stupid snake from SMB 2 wearing three broom-topped gladiator helmets) is there to menace them. The brothers defeat this fearsome foe by doing a silly little dance that causes Triclydius to tie his three necks into a knot and take a bump. Emperor Koopa unleashes his lions, but Mario and Luigi vault into the audience using Triclydius's trident and escape with the Princess and Toad, leaving Emperor Koopa to be chased off by the hungry lions. To bring this yarn to a fine conclusion, our heroes host a successful benefit spaghetti dinner and earn enough gold coins to build the shroom orphanage. A lion shows up and implies that he will eat Luigi if not fed spaghetti, so Luigi runs off to get the big cat food while the rest of the gang have a hearty chuckle at the notion of their terrified friend being gruesomely ripped limb from limb by a wild beast and eaten alive in front of them.

Live Action
Luigi calls Dr. Fruitcake up in the middle of the night to give him the bad news: the chicken therapy didn't work, and now Mario thinks he's a monkey! Dr. Fruitcake asks if Luigi wants him to help Mario revert back to "plain vanilla Mario," but Luigi admits he'd rather Mario be a chicken again: "to be honest with you, we could use the eggs."

SUMMARY

Live Action
The brothers are going to help their creepy new neighbour, Dr. Frank N. Stein from Transylvania, with his latest experiment. After they puzzle out the real identity of the mad scientist, the lights go out and Dr. Frankenstein appears. Mario asks if he's the same Frankenstein who created "that big ugly scary monster;" this offends Frankenstein's Monster, who punches his way out of a big wooden crate and gives the brothers a fright.

Cartoon
We begin in media res, with Princess Toadstool held captive on Captain Koopa's river boat, The Sinister Star. Mario and Luigi have stowed away, and are playing high-stakes Go Fish with a pair of koopas and a goomba with an adorable little eyepatch. While they distract the underlings, Toad, dressed as a waiter, searches for the Princess. Koopa catches the squeaky little fungus, however, and imprisons him along with Toadstool, and the brothers are exposed and chased off the ship when Mario is caught cheating at cards. Before a trouter can eat them, they are rescued by a second riverboat, The Dingbell, belonging to Mark Twang. Twang's in the middle of a boat race with Koopa to be crowned King of the River, but his engine has been sabotaged. The brothers use their plumbing skills to fix the steam engine, and they're back in the race!

King Koopa has Mouser bring him a "Black Pit Bob-omb," which he uses to create a massive whirlpool/"black pit" that nearly sucks in The Dingbell. They consult the Mouth of the River, who advises them to use their plumbing skills to divert the river around the black pit and gives them "magic doodads" that are "more powerful than pasta." The brothers jump on The Dingbell's paddle wheel to get it turning really fast, allowing them to catch up with and board The Sinister Star. In the fog of battle Toadstool seizes control of the ship's wheel and grounds The Sinister Star, sending Koopa head-first into a sandbank. They celebrate Twang's coronation as King of the River with catfish pizza.

Live Action
Dr. Frankenstein needs a normal brain for his monster; Luigi and Frankenstein go hunting for a normal brain in Brooklyn, while Mario takes a nap on the bed beside Frankenstein's monster. Science happens, and when Luigi and the Doctor get back Mario's brain has swapped with the monster's. There's not enough juice in the machine to switch them back, so Frankenstein performs "scientific hands-on treatment"--hitting them both over the head with a mallet. It works, and everyone is happy.